1,000 Ways to Annoy Our Favorite Potions Master!
by LunaSky
Summary: To those who guessed Slughorn, I'm gonna Avada you.
1. 1 to 100

Hola Peeps!!! New story 1,000 ways to annoy our favorite potions master... SLUGHORN!!!!

No...

SNAPEY!!!!!

I'll take almost any suggestion, but keep in mind that I already have a bunch, so don't be surprised if the one you sent at the beginning ends up in the last chapter.

**Disclaimer: **No I do not own our favorite potions master, but I own th rights to annoy him!!!! And I made coppies for you!!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

Tell him to wash his hair 

Buy him shampoo

…For his birthday

…And Christmas

…And at any random day

Ask him why he doesn't shower

…Or bathe

…Many times a day

Ask him if he's wearing a wig

When he denies it, pat his back and say: "Well, you really could get help for that!"

Ask him if he had a bad experience with shampoo as a child

Send him fan mail

…Signed with Harry's name

…Or Sirius's

…Or Lupin's

…Or Dumbledore's

…Or Voldemort's

…Or Draco's

…Or Lucius's

Send him love letters

…Signed with Harry's name

…Or Sirius's

…Or Lupin's

…Or Dumbledore's

…Or Voldemort's

…Or Draco's

…Or Lucius's

Tell him he's just a fictional character

…Many times a day

Tell him Sirius is still alive

Tell him James is still alive

Make fun of his nickname

Call him a greasy git

Ask him if he's a Death Eater

…Around other people

Ask to see his tattoo

…LOUDLY

Ask where you can get a tattoo

…Just like his

Flirt with him

Wink at him

Giggle at him

Call him a coward

Call him Sevy

Call him Sexy Sevy

Call him Super Sexy Sevy

Pretend you can't hear him when he yells at you

Hold his hand

If he yells at you flirt obnoxiously

Call him Sev

Call him Snevulus

Call him Snivelly

Call him Severus

Ask him if he's a vampire

…In the Great Hall

…Or in class

…Or in front of Dumbledore

Tell Luna he's a vampire

Call him Snivilus

Wave your hand a lot in class and then when he (if he) calls on you say: "I forgot"

Do that a lot

Act like him

Dress like him

Sneer at him

If he asks why, say that's it's dress up like a greasy git day

Tell him that he has greasy hair

Don't call him "Sir."

Make fun of Slytherins

Pretend to be a Slytherin and loose points for them

Make fun of snakes

Ask him how Voldemort's doing

…In front of everyone

Ask him if he's Goth

…In front of the Slytherins

When he says (yells) no, wink at him and say: "Yeah, so the hair, the cloak, the sneer is just your sense of style?"

Laugh at his bad jokes

…Louder than the Slytherins

When he insults you, start to cry

…Really loudly

Tell him he's hot

When around him say how great Harry Potter is

…LOUDLY

Ask him if he shows up in the mirror

Ask him if he shows up in photos

Tell everyone he doesn't show up in mirrors

…And photos

When he tries to prove you otherwise, say loudly: "Wow! Magic can do anything!"

Mix up his potions

Throw dung bombs in his potions

Laugh loudly when they explode

Blame Draco

Replace his potion ingredients with fake plants and plastic

Replace all his quills with ball point pens

…That don't work

Ask him if he's gotten Botox

…Often

When he denies it, say: "So the permanent sneer is your own creation?"

Ask if you're annoying him

…Often

…And loudly

* * *

FIRST 100 UP!!!! Check back for the next 100, next week!!! 

Reveiw please!!!

(Yes, they weren't numbered, but when I uploaded it, my numbers went bye-bye and I', to lazy to write 1-100. If it bugs you that much, email me and I'll let you do it.)


	2. 101 to 200

MOOORE!!! Hoorah!! I rule!!!! AND SO DO MY FANS!!!!!! Wanna thank: alcb, coyotedreamer, opal of hope, opungo, progette and red fox flower for reviewing!!!!! Love Ya!!!

** Disclaimer:** If I was JKR, I'd do all this to Snapey. Sadly, I'm not. If JKR happens to read this, pleeeeease do some of these to Snape. He siriusly deserves it. (Sirius - lol) :):):):)

And now, here is the next 100 ways to annoy Snapey!!!!

* * *

Tell him Lupin's looking for him

Wink while you say this

When around him say how great a teacher Lupin was

…LOUDLY

Serenade him

…With Harry's voice (bet you can guess what's coming next…)

…Or Sirius's

…Or Lupin's

…Or Dumbledore's

…Or Voldemort's

…Or Draco's

…Or Lucius's

Blow him kisses when you pass him in the hall

Slap his butt when you pass him in the hall

Make sure Draco is right next to you when you do this (aka, blame Draco)

Loudly say: "Hey Sevy, how come you're so interested in the DARK arts???"

Say that very innocently

If after any of these he attacks you, say: "Whoa there Sevy, I want you too, but there are some rules that we must follow."

Then wink and whisper: "But I won't tell if you don't."

Then wink again

Send him Dracula merchandise

Ask him if sunlight burns him

Read him romance fics with him in it

Read him slash fics with him in it

Ask him if any of them are true

When he denies it say: "Of course I believe you Sevy!"

Then roll your eyes

Ask him if he's gay

When he denies it, read him the slash fics again

Ask him if he's a girl

Then ask him if he's a lesbian

Repeat reaction with his denial (Aka, "Of course I believe you Sevy!" and roll eyes)

When in class with him, giggle with your friends and make gestures at him

If he asks what you're doing, stand and then say while perfectly serious: "Oh I'm sorry, you wanted me to keep those nights a secret? Sorry Sevy baby." Then sit down

Call him Sevy baby

Tell him he's Harry's real father

Say: "Just kidding" after he wakes up

…Or after a week or two

Ask him what a Snape is

Ask him if it means vampire in troll

Ask him if it means greasy in troll

Wear garlic around your neck

Wear garlic in a turban

If asked why, (by anyone,) look ant Snape and say loudly: "Just in case…"

Stop Snape from eating garlic

…At any meal

Especially if its his favorite food

Make sure to test all of his food for garlic (aka, taste it all)

Ask him why he lives in a dungeon (wink wink)

Anytime he asks you something, make the sign of a cross and back away

…Slowly

…But deliberately

Hum Darth Vader's theme when he walks into a room

Send him hate mail

Pick a word he says often ("the" works) and giggle every time he says it

…Loudly

Ask him if he can remember the last time he ever showered

…Or bathed

Give him leprechaun gold

…For Christmas

…And his birthday

If he mentions that it disappears, say: "Well that's what happens when you spend it. On what, I don't know."

…Then look at him strangely

Ask him if he ever eats garlic

If not, tell everyone he's a vampire

If so, tell everyone he does drugs

Buy him a three headed dog

If he mentions it, say: "Don't you like my present?"

…Then begin to cry

Ask him if he sings in the shower

If not, ask him if that is because he never showers

If so, tell him that, if he sucks, then that's because of lack of practice

…Say this calmly

Keep staring at his nose

If he asks you what you are looking at, tell him he can get rid of that thing on his face

When he asks what you are talking about, reply: 'Oh my! You don't know?"

…Then refuse to tell him

…But continue to look at him strangely

…And at his nose

Ask him if he has considered getting a nose job

Recommend places to do that

Recommend hair stylists

Tell him that "Goth" is out

…Frequently

…And loudly

Tell all the muggle borns he looks like Michael Jackson

Tell him he looks like Michael Jackson

If he asks who he is, just tell him he's a extremely famous muggle pop star

If he asks what he looks like, show him a picture of Orlando Bloom

Convince everyone to say that's who Michael is

After a few days of this, set up a meeting between him and Michael

Pretend to not have known the difference

Ask him what blood tastes like

…Often

…And loudly

…At meals

…While he is eating red foods

Cry every time he asks you something

Anytime he insults someone, say things like: "Burn!" or do a triple snap

…Loudly

* * *

Sooo... REVEIW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU SHALL BE MENTIONED!!!!

Annnnd... If you want to leave a "way," please make sure you do not leave one that is already up.

I'll take almost any suggestion, but keep in mind that I already have a bunch, so don't be surprised if the one you sent at the beginning ends up in the last chapter.

Luv,

Luna


	3. 201 to 300

Here are the next 100!!!! Please send me all you can think of, cause if I go past 1,000, I'm GONNA GO FOR MORE!!!!

Ok… Done shouting…

**Disclaimer:** I'm about to own the rights to Harry Potter. Watch:

(See Luna sneak into JKR's house while she's sleeping and grab rights that so happen to be placed on her desk.) I GOT IT!!!!

_**Intruder! Intruder! Intruder!**_

Awww Crap… Um, hopeful see you at the bottom…

* * *

Swoon when he passes you in the hall

Ask him if, as a teenager, he put a growth potion on his nose while mistaking it for ant-zit cream

Do that calmly

Ask him how much it sucked to owe a life debt to a dead guy

Pretend to break out in a rash whenever he comes near you

Pretend to sneeze whenever he comes near you

Pretend to cough whenever he comes near you

Tell him you are suffering from Greasy-itis

…Loudly

Ask him on dates

Ask him to school events

Ask him to marry you

…With Harry's voice

…Or Sirius's

…Or Lupin's

…Or Dumbledore's

…Or Voldemort's

…Or Draco's

…Or Lucius's

Ask him how many kids he wants

…With Harry

…Or Sirius

…Or Lupin

…Or Dumbledore

…Or Voldemort

…Or Draco

…Or Lucius

Tell him he smells

…Often

Yell: "He killed Dumbledore!!!" whenever he walks by you

…Loudly

Dance around him while singing: "Half-blood" in a singsong voice

…Loudly

…In front of Voldemort

Ask him if he loves you

...Loudly

…And Often

If he says no, cry like a baby

Tell him to fuck off

...Loudly

When questioned on this, simply say you were under the Imperius Curse

…In a serious voice

Ask him why he wants to be the DARK arts professor so badly

…Around Dumbledore

…Loudly

…In an innocent voice

Ask him if he's ever been on a date

…With a girl

…That wasn't his mother

Ask him if he's ever kissed a girl

…That wasn't his mother

…Loudly

Then ask him if he has ever kissed a boy

…Loudly

…That wasn't his mother

…Around other people

Kick him in the balls

Blame Draco

Pinch his butt

Say you couldn't resist

Or blame Draco

Or both

Blink furiously at him

Stare at him

Stalk him

If asked why you are doing any of this, say you read it on a website

Insult his nose

…Loudly

…In front of the Slytherins

Tell him you have the hots for him

Call him a slut

Put whipped-cream on his hand while he is sleeping

…Then tickle his face

…Blame Draco

Ask him why he hates Harry so much

…Loudly

…In front of Harry

Ask him if he's ever gonna come clean about being a pedophile

…Loudly

…In front of Dumbledore

Ask him if he's horny

…Often

…And loudly

…In front of many people

Give him lacy underwear

…Unwrapped

…At his seat

...With a matching bra

…Often

Ask him if he and McGonagall have "something" going on

Ask him if he and Wormtail have "something" going on

Wink after this

Every time Snape insults you, retort with a "Yo Mamma" joke

…Loudly

Ask him if he's pureblood

…Often

…And loudly

If he says no, ask him if Voldemort knows this

…Around the Slytherins

…Loudly

* * *

(See Luna run out off JKR's house with manila envelope) 

OMG!!! I MADE IT OUT!!!

_**Intruder! Intruder! Intruder!**_

Crap...

Once again, I'll take almost any suggestion, but keep in mind that I already have a bunch, so don't be surprised if the one you sent at the beginning ends up in the last chapter. If I get out of prison, I'll put your ideas up…

Oh ya! Forgetted in the excitement that I wanna thank: coyotedreamer, Elspeth25, Geek Squared 1307, PericulosusBella and Rabid Lawn Gnome for reviewing that last chappie. LUV Y'ALL!!

Luv,

The Imprisoned Luna :(


	4. 301 to 400

Prison Log: Entry 9611

HELLO my loyal fans!! Here's the next 100 ways!!!

Prison Life ain't so bad… I'm here with many others of the same crime. (Attempting to steal the rights to HP.) I hope you enjoy this chappie, I've gotten many suggestions from the other inmates, but some of them aren't appropreate to use. (aka, what'd they'd do with Snape if they owned HP. _shudders_) Anyway, I hope you enjoy: _1,000 ways to annoy your favorite potions master_, Part 3.

**Disclaimer: **I owned HP for 82 seconds. THAT'S BETTER THAN YOU ALL!!!! WOOOT!!! Don't try these suggestions at home folks. Unless you are JKR. Then, PLEASE DO THIS AST HOME AND SEND ME PICTURES!!!!

* * *

Ask to borrow a tampon from him 

Ask to borrow a pad from him

When he says (yells) he doesn't have any, respond with a gasp and say: "Sorry, by the look on your face I thought you were PMSing!"

Drool at him

Drool on him

Ask him if it's his birthday

…Everyday

Sing happy birthday to him nonstop

…Even if its not his birthday

When he tells you this, reply with: "I thought you were kidding!"

Send him birthday cards

…Everyday

…That sing

…"_Happy Birthday to Sevy! You are so sexy! You work for the Dark Lord! And…you act like one too!!!_"

Send him howlers

...Frequently

That say (yell) about how he missed your birthday

…Signed with Harry's name

…Or Sirius's

…Or Lupin's

…Or Dumbledore's

…Or Voldemort

…Or Draco's

…Or Lucius's

At random times, grab him and begin to tango with him

Blame Draco for hexing you

Scream when ever he comes near you

When asked about this, say you're afraid of the thing on his face

Then say: "Oh wait is that… YOUR NOSE????? Sorry, my mistake"

…Loudly

Ask him if he's part troll

Ask him if he's all troll

…Loudly

…In front of many people

…Often (duh)

Put "Kick me" signs on the back of all of his robes

Put "Hex me" signs on the back of all of his robes

Make sure he can't see them

Follow the directions on the signs

Make sure everyone does

Blame Draco

Blow raspberries at him

Stick your tongue at him

…When he isn't looking

Get Peeves to follow him around all day

…And night

…And do any of the above to him

Speak only French to him

…Mumble it

If he figures this out, immediately switch to Spanish

Repeat above with Italian, Russian, Swedish, Bulgarian etc.

After a few languages, switch to Gibberish and make him guess what language is

Get many others to do this

At random times, switch back to English and see if he notices

If he does, switch back to whatever language you were working with and pretend nothing happened

If he doesn't, continue to speak in English until he does

…Then switch back

Make up songs about him being a Death Eater and sing them around school

…Loudly

…Get Peeves to also do this

Make up songs about him being a vampire and sing them around school

…Loudly

…Get Peeves to also do this

Sing theses in all of the languages you have worked with in the above annoyances

…Include Gibberish

…Have Peeves do this

…Get many people to sing with you

Call him Scrooge

…Often

Sing him holiday carols

…When it's not Christmas

Tell him it's to "Descroogeify" him

…Loudly

Call him the "Half-Blood Prince"

Ask him if he's royal since he's a "Half-Blood PRINCE"

Call him the "Half-Blood Scrooge"

Call him the "Half-Blood Vince"

If asked why, just say: "Because it rhymes with PRINCE"

Say everything in rhymes

Jinx him to say every thing in rhymes

Don't go to his detentions

When asked about this, say you didn't go because you were busy

Get sorted into Slytherin and loose points for them

Get on the Slytherin Quidditch team and lose the game for them

Tell him to go play with his chemistry set

Ask him if he's the DADA professor yet

…Often

…And loudly

As him WHY he's not the DADA professor yet

…Loudly

…And often

Call him the Home-Ec professor

…Loudly

…Often

…And around the Slytherins

Ask him if he does drugs

...Often

Call him constantly

Ask him why he isn't returning your calls

Ask him where he got a phone

* * *

JKR hasn't gotten back to me on those pictures… I'll let you know how it turns out. 

FREEDOM IN 5 DAYS!!!!!! THANK YOU TO WHOEVER PAID PART OF THE BAIL!!!!! I LUV YOU!!!!!

(P.S-Who are you????)

Remember, I'll take almost any suggestion, but keep in mind that I already have a bunch, so don't be surprised if the one you sent at the beginning ends up in the last chapter.

Anyway, thanks to: coyotedreamer, ggmaxwell, hufflclaw, opungo, Rabid Lawn Gnome, Rosa-Vulpes, SShappiness for being such awesome friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh ya, go read my other stories, 'cause they rock!!!!!!

Luv ya'll,

A Free Luna in 5 Days

(P.S- REVIEW PLEASE!!!!)

(P.P.S- SEND ME WAYS PLEASE!!!)


	5. 401 to 500

FREEEEEEEEEDOM!!!!! (Does happy dance!!!)

THANK YOU REDFLOWER FOX!!!! I SHALL CHERISH THE SPOON AND YOUR HELP FOREVER!!!!! (FOREVER equals 5 min :))

Anyway...

Actually, Redflower Fox got there .23 seconds before I was legaly allowed to leave, so... ya...

I am now out of jail, and back in the USA. :):):) It's boring here... So here's a new chapter to spice up all of our lives!!!!

**Disclaimer:** I (twitch) don't (twitch) own (twitch) Harry (twitch) Potter (twitch). (Let's our huge breath.)

Therapy is cool!!!! (twitch)

* * *

Send him notes with an owl while he is teaching

…Make sure the owl doesn't leave him alone until he answers

…Make sure it's Draco's owl

Send him howlers while he is teaching

…From Draco

…That profess his love for him

…Or hate

Send him poetry valentines

That sing the bad poems

…Loudly

…And that won't shut up

…And that sing louder when his tries silencing him

…And that multiply times ten when he tries to vanish them

…And that grow ten times their size when he tries blasting them in any way

Ask him why Dumbledore trusts him so much

Ask him if he even owns a bar a soap

…From this decade

Ask him his age

Tell him he's Harry's uncle and Dumbledore decided that Harry is going to go live with him

Yell "April Fools!" when he gets out of the hospital wing

Wake him up at early hours in the morning and ask him about homework

…Or the weather

…Or advice

…On the opposite sex

…Or the same sex

Obliviate random parts of the day from his memory

…Frequently

…Especially times when he sent someone to detention

Buy him tanning cream

…In large quantities

Steal his worst memory

Charge admission to go in and watch

Send him a flyer

Auction his worst memory off to the highest bidder

Turn all of his robes hot pink

…And make sure it can't come off

Silence him every time he tries to take points from someone

…Make sure he can't tell

Secretly put dirt on his hair to see if he ever washes it

…Check at random times during the week

…Make sure he notices

Scorgify his hair as he passes you in the hall

…Blame Draco

Sniff his hair during the day

Sign him up for a magical dating service

Sign him up for a muggle online dating service

…Under the name SuperSexySevy

Put Brad Pitt's picture in place of his real one

Send him on all of the dates

Stare him in the eye and then start laughing manically

Come to class wearing a black cape and vampire fangs

Talk in a Transylvanian accent whenever you talk to him

…And only to him

If you are ever alone in a room with him, yell: "Professor! Stop! No!" when ever anyone passes the room

…Do this often

Light his robes on fire

…Whenever you can

Ask him if he's pregnant

Ask him if he's gotten anyone pregnant

Read him fan fiction where he has

Mention "That three headed dog" often and see if he reacts

Show him PPP

Repeat "Bother" Technique often

…Get others to do it

…Especially Peeves

Step on his robes

Walk on his heels

Tell him bad jokes

Tell him bad muggle jokes

…Whenever you can

…Be offended when he doesn't laugh

…Or get the jokes

Ask him if you can rent out his hair to change the oil in your car

…Don't explain what a car is

Get him drunk

Give him love potions

…Directed at Harry

…Or Sirius

…Or Lupin

…Or Dumbledore

…Or Voldemort

…Or Draco

…Or Lucius

Hit him with memory charms before he goes to sleep

The next day, tell him how much fun you had last night

…Loudly

Tell him you're his child

When he denies it, hand him the convincing paternity test

Ask him if he's really as bad in bed as Draco says he is

Whenever he begins to give out a detention in class, jump up and down (waving your arms wildly) while yelling "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

Yell "WEARWOLF!" whenever you walk up behind him

Ask to borrow money from him

Ask him if he wants a tampon

Ask him for a kiss

Ask if you can kiss him

…Ask repeatedly

Then change the question to "Would you mind if I gave you a kiss?"

If he says no, kiss him

If he says yes, keep switching back and forth until he says you can

Pull him into a dip when you do this

* * *

Da next 100!!! WOOOT!!! Out of jail equals therapy. Part of the sessions is saying that I don't own HP. :(:(:(

Oh well... I let you know how that goes. (twitch)

Thanks to: coyotedreamer, ggmaxwell, hufflclaw, opungo, Rabid Lawn Gnome, Rosa-Vulpes, SShappiness and The Choco-Holic for being the ONLY ONES TO REVIEW:(:(:( Change that, k?

Will add next chapter for reviews!!!!

Luv,

The Hungry Luna


	6. AN

**Dear Readers,**

**I know AN are not supposed to be a chapter, but I just had to let you guys know. I am sorry to say, that I am quitting FanFiction. I have no interest in anything in this website anymore, and am deleting all of my stories, including this one. No one here gives good feedback, and non of the stories are good enough for me to waste anymore of my time here. Please do not try and change my mind, I have thought about this for a long time.**

**-Luna**

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-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

**(April Fools.)**


	7. 501 to 600

Hellooooooo semi-loyal fans!!!! Did you like my April Fools Prank???? ;) Hope so. 'cause all I need are you guys turning on me...

Anyway, heres the next 100 ways to annoy a person I don't own. No, that doesn't count as the disclaimer, I'm going to come up with something more creative for that.

**Disclaimer:** (insert clever way to say that I'm not the owner of HP here)

-

-

-

-

Creative, huh?

Creativeish???

Oh well. Here we go.

* * *

Depants him in the hall 

Blame Draco

Say: "I know about you-know-what you-know-when with You-Know-Who!!!"

Laugh manically

Ask him when you can meet his parents

Invite him home for the holidays

Invite him to dinner with your parents

Send him condoms for his birthday

…And Christmas

…And at any random time

With a note that says: "Just in case…"

Switch all his potion ingredients with jello

…With fruit bits

Offer him chocolate milk

…Every hour

…On the hour

Compare him with a PMSing woman

…Loudly

Follow him around and act like a ministerial

...Sing everything he days

…With rhymes

…Get others to do this

…Get Peeves to do this

Send him a gift certificate to a salon

…To get his hair washed

…And cut

... And for a facial, manicure and pedicure

…And waxing

…Do this for Christmas as a secret Santa

…And Easter as the Easter Bunny

Give him sex toys

…With a suggestive card

…Signed with Harry's name

…Or Sirius's

…Or Lupin's

…Or Dumbledore's

…Or Voldemort's

…Or Draco's

…Or Lucius's

Hex him into telling everyone it's his birthday

Hex him into forgetting to get dressed in the morning

Hex him into thinking he's dressed, when he really isn't

Tell him that McGonagall likes him

…Or Sprout

…Or Pomfrey

…Or Trelawney

…Or Umbrage

Tell him he looks tense

Recommend a spa day

If he agrees (slim chance) take him to a extremely fancy one and leave him in the mud bath until it hardens

Get him a really painful massage

Get his hair done by an intern

Pay them to shave his head

…Or do a mowhawk

…Or a buzz cut

…Or make his hair look like Harry's

…Or Dumbledore's

…Or Ron's

…Or Lucius's

If he gives you detention with himself, flirtatiously say: "Oh Sevy, if you wanted alone time with me, all you had to do was ask!"

…Loudly

If he gives you detention with anyone else, say: "How come we never spend time together anymore?"

…Loudly

When he mentions that you never did spend time together, say: "You mean you don't remember that beautiful night last Wednesday? Or the one before that? Or the one before…"

Say, if you ever get a good grade in his class: "You know those six magical hours we spent in the Room-of Requirement after the Yule Ball? This is better!!!!"

Skip out of the room

When he starts talking, stand up and scream: "AHHHH!!! THE VOICES ARE BACK!!!!"

Then sit down calmly

Invite him to your birthday party

…When its not your birthday

Send as many invitations as you can

…During the day

…That sing, of coarse

Make sure it's after hours

Make sure not to invite anyone else

Be creative of what happens at the party

Hex him so he grows horns

…And his skin turns red

Turn his wand into a pitch fork

…While he's sleeping

Write a daily comic with him in it as the star

Make sure he dies in every strip

Animate it (magically)

Compare him to every movie villain

...Ever

And every book villain

…Ever

Write essays on each comparison and turn them in as "extra credit"

…To every teacher

…Often

Slip LCD into his food

…Often

…Blame Draco

Write ballads with his name

…About the love between him and Narcissa

…Send them to Lucius and Draco

Watch results

Record results

Sell results to the highest bidder

…Send flyer to Snape

* * *

...And then run for your life. Siriusly (lol), I should know. I have tested all of these. Even though JKR hates my guts, she hates Snape's guts more. Which isn't fair, because Snape or my guts haven't done anything wrong!!!! 

As I was saying, I have tested each of these, and all of them are very annoying. Veeeeeery annoying. And, as a special guest, the annoyed man himself will make an appearance if I get 15 or more reviews. Thats right, 15. Can you do that?? Good.

Oh ya, thanks to: **coyotedreamer, fanficfan1037, Geek Squared 130, hufflclaw, Insanity's Partner, loser68, NessaroseThroppgirl, PericulosusBella, Redflower Fox, Rosa-Vulpes and The Choco-Holic** for reviewing the last chapter, and the April Fools Prank!!!!

Oh Ya, therapy's going great!!! (twitch) I'm learning that, no matter what I do, HP will never be mine!!! (twitch) Sigh...

So... Review please and Snapey comes!!!

Luv,

Luna The Creative(ish)


	8. 601 to 700

HOLY SHIT!!! 16 REVIEWS :D:D:D:D:D:D:D YOU PEOPLE ROCK MY SOCKS AND ELECTRIC TOOTH BRUSH!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!! And so, Luna is here to present, YOUR FAVORITE POTIONS MASTER...

Slughorn: Hiya!!

Luna: (Shoves him out of the chapter) SNAPEY!!!

Snape: Don't call me that.

Luna: Sevy?

Snape: No.

Luna: Sexy Sevy?

Snape: I don't like where you're going with this...

Luna: Super Sexy Sevy?

Snape: NO!!!!

Luna: Sevy?

Snape: N- Fine. It's better than the others...

Luna: So Snapey, welcome to the 7th chapter (besides the prank one) of ways to annoy you. You know why your here, right?

Snape: Because you threatened me with fans?

Luna: That, and because I told the reviewers I would. I have some questions for you, and you have to answer them all.

Snape: I hate you.

Luna: First question: Tell me, how do you feel about this?

Snape: I hate it.

Luna: No really...

Snape: Yes really. I loathe it with a burning passion. Almost more than Potter.

Luna: (Low Whistle) Wow... Thats a lot. (Pause) I"M SO HONORED!!!! (Gives Snapey a big hug)

Snape: (Sputters) What the!! OFF DEMON GIRL!!! (Shakes Luna off)

Luna: So Snapey, which is your favorite "Way."

Snapy: Sigh... Do I have to pick??

Luna: Remember the fans...

Snape: Probably the ones that cause me the least amount of pain. Happy?

Luna: Which one do you hate the most?

Snape: All.

Luna: The fans...

Snape: No, thats the real answer.

Luna: Fine... And that ends our first Q & A session with Super Sexy Sevy!!!!

Snape: HEY!! STOP CALLING ME THAT!!!! I'M LEAVING!!!

Luna: Will you stay if you can do the disclaimer?

Snape: Fine...

Snape: **Disclaimer: **Luna doesn't own HP. Or Snape. THANK GOD!!!!!!

Luna: Thats enough Snapey... Here's the next 100!!

* * *

Hex him into telling everyone he's a girl 

Create credit cards with his name and address

…Over use them

…Make sure to buy _really_ embarrassing stuff

…I.e. lacy woman's underwear

…Condoms

…Viagra

…Self Help Books

…And drugs

Make sure the muggle police arrest him at his house

Make sure it gets in the paper before Dumbledore can obliviate everyone's memories

…Blame Draco

Send him howlers from Lord Voldemort

…During class

…And meals

…Reporting when the next meeting is

…And how great a Death Eater Snape is

Propose to him during class

…Often

Cry when he says no

Trick him into saying yes

Make wedding plans

Invite the Death Eater

When asked about this, say: "Why shouldn't I invite his friends from work?"

Get Trelawny to follow him around and predict how he will die

Remind him on how James saved his life

Tell him to go see a therapist

Recommend Harry

Or Sirius

Or Draco

Or Dumbledore

Or yourself

Set him up in a really old fashion room with the cushion and everything

Speak in a Freudian accent

Ask him about his mother

Ask him if he wants a sex change operation

…Often

Recommend places to do it

…Loudly

Set up appointments for him

Buy him estrogen

…Illegally

…And have it send to him in the great hall

Drug him and send him to the appointments

Watch results with glee

Ask him what an orgasm is

Ask him what masturbation is

…Loudly

Ask him what sex feels like

…Loudly

When he yells at you, say: "So you've never had sex?"

Ask him if he knows what a condom is

If he says yes, ask for a definition

If he says no, laugh at him

If he actually gives you a definition, tell him he's wrong

If he refuses to give you a definition, tell him he's a wuss who probably doesn't even know what the opposite sex is

If he yells at you for asking in the first place, cry loudly

…Make sure a teacher is watching

…Or listening

…And cry: "HE HIT ME!!!"

Yawn loudly in class

…Loudly

…Especially when he is yelling at other students

…Or yourself

Skip around him asking: "Are you a bunny?"

Without waiting for him to respond, say: "You're a vampire bunny!!!"

Call him a vampire bunny whenever you pass him in the hall

…Loudly

Come to his office and tell him that Dumbledore says that he's the new school guidance counselor

Then start crying about your unrequited love for a guy with greasy hair

Pause for effect and stare at his head

But he's a lot older than you and you don't think he'll ever think of you

Sigh

See if he gets the hint

Talk to him about your period

Tell him it's your "time of month"

…And you don't have any pads and you don't know what to do

Sob

Then suddenly mood swing

Tell him you need chocolate NOW!

Then go back to normal

Talk to him about your boyfriend

Tell him he doesn't appreciate you for who you are and you feel like you can't ever relate to them anymore

Tell him you want a smart, older guy who's not afraid of his feelings

Then bat your eyes at him

Wait for a response

Fall asleep in class

…Often

If he ever uses Occlumency on you, say: "Sevy, are you trying to watch my sexual fantasies with Harry?"

…Or Draco

…Or anyone else

Or say: "Sevy, if you want to know which type of flowers I prefer, you can just ask! "

…Or type of chocolate

…Or ways to please me in bed

Or yell, especially when there is another teacher around: "SEVY!! STOP RAPING MY MIND!!!!"

…Or just do any of those when he isn't doing anything

Throw shoes at him when he speaks

…In the hallways

…Or in the Great Hall

…Or while he's sleeping

* * *

Snape: I really hate you... 

Luna: I know!! Now, if everyone reviews again, then Snape MIGHT come back. If I can hold him for that long...

So thanks to everyone whom I'm to lazy to go and type out. You all ROCK!!!! Review again please!!!!

Luv,

Luna who is holding on to Snape for you


	9. 701 to 800

Hallo!! Welcome back!! Luna is soooooo sorry that her teachers are meaneys and have stupid tests called "finals," preventing Luna from updating anything!! :o

Sooo... This chapter is 701 to 800, and now I just need to say, that I need you to send me ways!!! I'm stuck at 800, and I need your o so creative minds to help me finish. The person that sends me the most ways can have... er... Cho-co-late? I don't know, I'll think of something... and it'll be GREAT!!! So, send in ways, and help me finish this story ASAP!!!!!

**Disclaimer: **Luna cannot be the owner of HP, because she is not JKR. POOOOOP!!!!

* * *

Hex shoes to fly at him

Run into his class with shoes on your hands yelling: "The British are coming!! The British are coming!!

…And hit him on the head with the shoes

Speak in Pig Latin

…Often

Especially when answering questions

And yelling at him

And asking him questions

Or doing the British thing

Ask him what its like in Romania

…Frequently

…And loudly

Make a polyjuice potion to change into Snape

Make out with Draco in this form

When Draco's telling you to stop, say: "You're right, let's get a room!!"

Make out with Dumbledore

And Harry

And Ron

And Hermione

And Sirius

And Lupin

And McGonagall

And Trelawney

And the Minister of Magic

…Do this frequently

Make sure Snape isn't here while doing this

And that when he comes back, make sure that

Tell everyone that he only smokes pot on days that end with a "Y"

When he tells you to do something tell him only on Tuesday

…Frequently

Do a "Dun Dun Dun!" Whenever he gives out detention

Put a potion into his drink to make him tell you what type of underwear he wears

…Even when he's not wearing it

…Like a thong

…Or tighty-whities

Make him think that he hears music all the time

Put a spell on him to strip to non existing music

…No matter where he is

…Especially during meals

…Or in class

Put a potion in his drink and make his strip

…To be wearing only a thong

…And give a lap dance to Professor McGonagall

…Or to Lupin

…Or to Sirius

…Or Dumbledore

…Or Harry

…Or Voldemort

…Or Draco

…Or Lucius

Put a hex on him so that he would dress up as the Easter Bunny

…And give out chocolate eggs to every student

…And teacher

…When its not Easter

Put a hex on him so that he'll start singing

…No matter what he's doing

…Or with whom ever he's with

…Muggle songs

Hex him into dressing as a girl

…In a dress

…With his hair in pig tails

…And with barrettes

…That are pink

Hex him into dancing on his desk singing "I'm Too Sexy for My Shirt"

…And have him strip off all his clothes

Hex him into running through the school completely naked

While singing "Born Free"

Put random potions in his drinks and see what they do

Make sure they're ones marked "DANGEROUS"

…Blame Draco

Hex him into thinking that he's going to have a baby

…Tell him Harry's the father

…Or Sirius

…Or Lupin

…Or Dumbledore

…Or Voldemort

…Or Draco

…Or Lucius

Hex him so his stomach gets bigger

Have him follow through with the pregnancy

THEN say: "APRIL FOOLS!!!"

Get him drunk

…Often

Then tell him he got McGonagall pregnant

…Or Hermione

…Or Ginny

…Or Umbridge

…Or Trelawney

…Or Harry

…Or Sirius

…Or Lupin

…Or Dumbledore

…Or Voldemort

…Or Draco

…Or Lucius

…Or yourself

Grope him

…Hard

…When you pass him in the hall

…Blame Draco

* * *

MWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAAA!!!!!!! WE ARE EVIL!!! Guess what?? Luna is out of therapy!!! (twitch) :D:D:D:D:D:D

And lets see some more reveiws people!! Is it that hard, just to say, "That was great!!" or "Luna rules!! She's my hero!!"???

And don't forget about those ways!!! GIVE THEM!!!! MINE!!!

See you next time!!

Luv,

Luna the Hero


	10. 801 to 900

GAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRY!!!! MY COMPUTER WAS GOING WHACK, AND IT WOULDN'T LET ME UPLOAD ANYTHING

:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:( SORRY!!!!!!!

Phew. Ok. So... Um. Enjoy the second to last chappie!!! And thanks to everyone who reviewed, and LOTS ON CHOCOLATE TO PEOPLE WHO SENT ME WAYS:D:D:D LUV UUUUUUU!!!

**Disclaimer:** I. Own. Nothing. But. The. Right. To. Annoy!!!!

* * *

Scream in his ear 

…Random things

…When you pass him in the hall

…Blame Draco

Copy everything he says

…And does

...Loudly

Tell him that you're writing his biography, and follow him around

…Everywhere

…Even the bathroom

...Copy down everything he says

…And does

…Give him huge chapters and ask him to read it over

…Make sure that they have nothing to do with his real life

Change all his robes into prom dresses

Make sure they're pink

…And have frills

…And gives him cleavage

…In multiple places

Convince your friends to dress up as Sirius, Lupin, and Peter

See if you can get the real ones to do this

Dress up as James and go into Potions class

Yell: "WHY DID YOU BETRAY US!!" And "LEAVE MY SON ALONE!!!"

When he faints stand over him and ask, "You okay Sniviless?"

…Make sure you get pictures

Bring a large stuffed bunny to life, who's sole purpose is to hug Snape as much as possible

Replace all of the furniture in his classroom with neon pink blow-up couches

...Do it to his office,

…Living quarters,

…And chair in the Great Hall

Tell everyone that his hair is really a wig

Play Green Day's Boulevard of Broken Dreams every time he walks into the class room

... Or Great Hall

...Or Hogsmede

Tell him his pants are on fire

If he doesn't believe you, keep singing 'Liar liar Pants on fire'

...Then set his pants on fire

…And put them out right before he notices

…And sing again

…Blame Draco

Tell him Voldemort says Pettigrew has to be his permanent Death Eater partner

…Often

Ask him why he wrote in his potion book, instead of takes notes

Tell Madam Pince that he wrote in books

…Take pictures

Tell him that Half-Blood Prince is a lame nickname

Suggest others

Like Greasy-Git

And Snevy

Turn him into a Teletubby

Turn him into all of the Teletubbys

…Make sure he can't tell

…Make it so the theme song is playing over and over in his head

…But no one else can hear it

…Turn the song off and on during lessons

Turn him into a Boobah

Repeat above

But more often

Send him howlers from his mother

…Yelling about how he never calls

…And when he's going to make something of his life

…And give her grandchildren

…With Voldemort

…Or Lucius

…Or Harry

Send them during class

…And meals

…And at 3:16 am every Tuesday

…And 1:42 am every day that ends with a "y"

…Besides Tuesday

Shave his hair off in his sleep

Turn Draco into a ferret

…Often

Turn HIM into a ferret

…Blame Draco

Turn him into a GIRL ferret

And place him in cage with a very horny male ferret

…That just so happens to be Draco

…And then blame Draco

Step on his heels when he walks in the hall

…Often

…While you're invisible

…Blame Draco

Play the mysterious ticking noise

…In class

…Often

Get everyone to sing the song parts

Then have the bomb explode

…Blame Draco

Play it just in his head

Paint his nails while he's sleeping

…The color pink

…With rainbows

…And puppies

…And ponies

…That sing

…LOUDLY

…Any song

…Blame Draco

…Often

* * *

So... I'll try and get the last chappie up soonerish, but i still need 40 or so way. Hmm... If Ten of you send me Four... Think about it, k??? Luna will give more chocolate!!!! ;) 

Lurve,

Luna the Chocolateer :D


	11. 900 to 1000

OMG, I have no excuse. At all. Except that I have been soooooo busy with camp, and starting school, and being lazy. AND HOMFG READ HP 7 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! No spoilers here, but I will hopefuly be doing a sequel (very short, 100 ways) about after HP 7. Those eho know what I'm talking about... hehehehe... Luna tried to steal HP over the summer, but since she was at camp... mission not good. Oh, and THIS IS THE LAST CHAPPIE!!!! I HOPE YOU LUUUUUUUUUV IT!!!!!!!

**DISCLAIMER: **Luna loves you all, and gives you chocolate. (Lawyers cough) andidontownhp HAPPY NOW??? Dear god, I hate those guys... See you at the bottom!!!

* * *

Give him a tattoo 

…Of a pink unicorn

…And a rainbow

…And other girly stuff

…That dances around to the Barbie Girl song

…In a recording of his voice

…Put it on his ass

…Or bicep

…Or nose

…AND over his Dark Marl

Tell him it's the new dark mark and he has to keep it on

…Forever

…Blame Draco

Ask him if he has an allergic reaction to peanut butter

...Replace all potion ingredients with peanut butter

...Even if he isn't allergic

...Send him jars of peanut butter

...With suggestive notes on how to use it

...None of which have to do with eating

...Of any sort

Ask him if it helped with his pregnancy

…Of Harry

…Or Draco

…Or Voldy

...Or if it improved his weight

Tell him he's overweight

...Send him a Weight Watchers brochure

...And sign him up for Jenny Crag

Send him a treadmill

...For Christmas

...And every Saturday

…Ask him if he does yoga

...If not, tell him that lessons start on Monday

...If so, slap him and say: "WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?"

…Loudly

...Start screaming: "RAPE!!" every time your alone with him

...Loudly

...Ask him how babies are born

...Ask him WHY babies are born

...When he doesn't answer, ask him if he's ever had, "The Talk"

...Give him the talk before he answers

…Detailed

...If he interrupts say "Great, now we have to start over!!!"

…Loudly

...Give him the talk in the halls

...Or dinner

...Or classroom

...Especially when he's teaching

…Your class

...Encourage others to do the same

...Especially Peeves

Get some one to tattoo his entire body

…With ponies

…And rainbows

…And the Dark Mark

Go into Snape's room and put a numbing charm and pierce his entire face

Put a sticking charm on it

Dye his hair pink

...Permanently

Put a spell on him that makes his canines fangs

...Permanently

…And take pictures

Spread a rumor that he's in love with Malfoy

Make ALL his clothes pink

With Barbie on them

...So it's permanent

Shave "I'M GAY" on his head

...Make it so the shaved hair won't grow back

Charm grey hairs into his hair and tell him he's getting old –loudly

Send him black dye to get rid of said hairs

…During class

…Or the great hall

…Or randomly throughout the day

Tell him you invite his mother to school for dinner

…Tell him she's bringing baby pictures

Ask if he had greasy air as a child

…Or if he's trying to make a fashion statement

…Without waiting, tell him he's failing miserably

Ask if he's ever had lice

…Without waiting for an answer respond "oh of course not, duh, lice can't stand greasy hair"

…Walk away as if nothing happened

Get a journal and write his name on it and write about him having a crush on James

Show it to everyone but him

Release hundreds of lightning bugs in the dungeon

…Tell everyone they are an endangered type of pixie/fairy

Sign him up for girl magazines

Make sure they are delivered in public

Give him flowers that he is allergic to before class

...So much that it FILLS his classroom

...Shout "delivery" at the top of your lungs when he opens the door and is swamped by them

...Give Voldie a love potion and make HIM the extremely horny ferret

Have Snape get turned into Barney

Dress Snape as a vampire and transfigure all his drinks into blood

…Give him a basket of blood-flavored lollipops

Write incredibly long stories about him make sure they involve him and Voldiein some perverted way

…Or him and Wormtail

Charm a bunch of Quills that sing "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" and follow him around

…Make sure they multiply if he tries to get rid of them

Paint all of his cauldrons pink

Aaaannnnnndddd...

DO ALL OF THESE THINGS IN ONE DAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!

* * *

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH STORY DONE!!!! WOOOOHOOOO w00000000000000t!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAY YIPEEEEEEEEEEEE etc.!!!!!! 

ahem.

So, I'd just like to give chocolate to **EVERYONE **who reveiwed, sent me ways, or bailed me out of jail. I love you all, and can't wait to see you soon!!!!!!!!

Luv, (omfg, last time sniff)

Luna the Loving :D:D:D:D:D:D:D


End file.
